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Dog Haiku

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You will ever be.

Today I sniffed
Many dog behinds -- I celebrate
By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!
Paper boy -- come to kill us all
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Garbage man -- come to kill us all
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

How do I love thee?
The ways are as numberless as
My hairs on the rug.

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.

I Hate my choke chain
Look, world, they strangle me!
Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot -- no greater bliss -- well,
Maybe catching rats

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much as I do.

The cat is not all
Bad --she fills the litter box
With tootsie rolls.

Dig under the fence--why?
Because it is there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.

Dog Lessons

If a dog were your teacher, you would learn stuff like....

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
When it's in your best interest-practice obedience.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps and stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy in the guilt thing and pout...run right back and make friends.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

Guide Dog Puppy Graduation

Tuppence is the third guide-dog-in-training raised by the Perkins family of San Ramon,California. Tuppence just graduated this September from the extensive Guide Dogs for the Blind training in San Rafael, California, and is now the seeing companion of Mrs. Elaine Rooney of Texas. Joy and twelve-year-old daughter Kate became Valley Humane Society volunteers soon after Tuppence was returned to the San Rafael facility for the remainder of her guide dog training. Being able to help other animals helped fill the void by Tuppence leaving their home.

Tuppence is a female golden retriever-black Labrador mix. Like all guide dog puppies, she was bred at San Rafael and lived with a host family from 8 weeks until 15 months of age. While being socialized, guide dog puppies become accustomed to the world and every situation that can arise. Saying farewell to a dog after this long is not easy and always brings some tears. Joy teaches first grade, and her students were used to having Tupperence with them every day too, so she left a large family of well-wishers. Several of last year's students made the trip to San Rafael for Tuppence's graduation ceremony. These students took great pride in being part of Tuppence's training.

Maisey, a 3 year-old female yellow Labrador came back into the Perkins' life after she failed to pass the seven levels of guide dog training. When a dog fails the rigorous Guide Dog training, the host family is given first chance to adopt the dog. The Guide Dog graduation in San Rafael is held on the second Saturday of each month and is open to the general public. It really is an experience for every animal-lover. There is not a dry eye in the entire place as the host families give their guide-dog puppy in training to the new blind owner. Besides giving unconditional love, animals can give independence to humans who love them.

Cindy Ferrin, Valley Humane Society

Dog Property Laws:

  1. If I like it, it's mine.
  2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
  3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
  4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
  5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
  6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
  7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
  8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
  9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
  10. If it's broken, it's yours.

Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers

20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95
19. Fetch command not available on all platforms
18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side
17. Too difficult to "mark" every web site they visit
16. Can't help attacking the screen when the hear "you've got mail"
15. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing "www.pethouse.com" instead of working.
13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG Frisbee
12. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon screen saver.
11. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail wagging.
10. Oh, but they WILL...with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
8. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
6. SmellU-SmellME still in beta test.
5. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver
3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures, master's.leg
2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.
and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Don't Use Computers
1. Tr) {g) DsA [M,bN HyAqR4tDc Tgr)o TgYPmE WeljTyHP;AzWqs,..
(Too Damn Hard to Type with Paws)

The following breeds are now recognized by the American Kennel Club:

  • Collie + Lhasa Apso Collapso= a dog that folds up for easy transport
  • Pointer + Setter Poinsetter= a traditional Christmas pet
  • Great Pyrenees + Dachshund Pyradachs= a puzzling breed
  • Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso Peekasso= an abstract dog
  • Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer= Spaniel Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
  • Newfoundland + Basset Hound= Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors


"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does."
-- Christopher Morley

"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives?
-- Sue Murphy

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perserverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."
-- Robert Benchley